Metaphor Of Me/ Water Metaphor
I am a river, calm and cool, but give me a drop and I’m a waterfall crashing down, violent and dangerous, disordered, but quickly passing. Just as a river picks up dirt rocks and all manner of items from the shore, I pick up new ideas, ways of thinking and cultures. Under extreme circumstances rivers flow to whirl-pools, as under extreme pressure my mind explodes, crazy thoughts,impossible to follow, white water rapids, but in the end I’m back, to a calm cool, as I entered the sea of this world again, ready to go, start over and continue.
There’s a Boy…
There’s a boy,one with too many thoughts to count, but nothing to say. There’s a boy who quietly listens, taking in the world around him.There’s a boy, who dreams of being everything he’s not, and everyone he can never be. There’s a boy, who’s okay with just dreaming. There’s a boy, who knows not what this world has in store, but faces it all the same. There’s a boy, one who just wants this endless torture to end. There’s a boy, who hears many things, but believes little. There’s a boy, who’s in an eternal battle with his emotions for fear of loosing himself. There’s a boy, with a loving family, few, but good friends, and a mind full of possibilities. There’s a boy, who can’t stand injustice, and wishes to be remembered for something great. There’s a boy, who lives everyday in this world but still doesn’t understand. There’s a boy, who’s sole purpose is to be, for the ones he loves and cares about. There’s a boy, created by others but forever forging himself. There’s a boy, who looks to the unknown with so many emotions, he doesn’t know what to feel.
Dear Kaden,
Your writing is always enjoyable to read, because you always convey how you feel into the writing, and this makes it more relatable for the reader. Your honest in your words, and you find a way describe in detail in your works.
Something to keep track of is just the Punctuation and Capitalization of some words, so that the reader is less distracted by tiny errors, and can enjoy the writing piece.
Overall, this is a very promising start to what is sure to be a long and thoughtful blog, so keep up the good writing.
From Lucas.
Dear Kaden,
I enjoyed reading your about me post. I liked the use of “There’s a boy” consistently. I think I found a mistake in your post though. You said “fear of loosing himself.” Other than that it was very well written. I felt like I also related to it in a way as well because the characteristics of the boy related to me.I think the image you included with the post had fit in really well with the context of the post. Overall it was great, hope to see more work like this from you!
-Gavin
Dear Kaden,
Both of your About Me posts were abstract and it was great learning about you, especially in your ‘There’s a boy’ post. I really learned who you are. Your water metaphor was very interesting and I was deeply immersed. Like Lucas said, I would just fix the grammatical mistakes. Other than that, awesome!
-Arsal
Kaden,
Both of your About Me pieces were very nice to read. Though they were both written in different formats, I still felt that they portrayed your personality well.
As the people above me stated, there were a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but overall your writing was enjoyable to read.
Keep up the good work!
– Genevieve
Dear Kaden,
Reading over this again, I’m happy to say I still find your writing to be honest and detailed. Though you may not have changed the actual writing, I can still see that your voice as a writer carries through in this work. See my previous comment for the critiques I had, though you have edited the GUMPS errors from back then.
Dear Kaden,
I have not had the pleasure to read the rest of your writing but this small glimpse into what makes you, well.. you, is a treasure to read. I love how you can easily shift from metaphorical to literal with such ease. Your capitalization could be worked on. On the other hand the rest was amazing.
Regards,
Sam
Kaden you are wonderful and I wish I could be more like you